But my embarrassment or shame was somehow diminished because I felt the people around me sympathizing.
There was simply something about sharing an experience with a group of people.
A part of my movie showed me as a child, sitting on the ground and staring at a Fourth of July fireworks display in the sky.  And every time a large explosion happened, the crowd around me gave a concerted gasp or an "ooh" and an "ah".
And it was this group "feeling" that seemed to calm my anxiety at the raunchier parts of my movie.
I felt like my decisions, my lusts, were understood because we were all "human".  We all had desires and emotions and we all acted on them at one time or another.
I don't think I can describe it accurately, maybe there's no word for it.  It was simply "understood" so there seemed to be no place or need for shame.
Or perhaps I had grown accustomed to seeing things in movies, that weren't "real" or that I didn't have to believe in.

I stared in morbid fascination for what seemed like forever.  I felt every emotion possible, many mixed together so that as I wept inside, I was also laughing or glowing with pride.
I watched many instances, where I said something or merely thought it, and was able to recognize how purely wrong I was.  Like I had argued with someone about something that had happened and, being able to see it all like I was, I realized how I had recalled it incorrectly or how my brain just didn't want to accept it.

Before I knew it, my movie was showing the camping trip and I became stunned again for a moment.
I saw my family and I jump, saw from the stranger's point of view how perfectly she had caught the moment in time.
And I wondered briefly, why I was not scared, why I did not leap to my feet and demand that the movie stop.
But it was with the same sense of distance, the same "it's happening to someone else and I'm okay"...

And then it was done, my movie had come to an end when my head impacted the unforgivable concrete of the pier.
There was the quietest of applause then, from the gathered crowd, like a stadium full of cheering fans with their volume somehow barely above mute.
I think I blinked a few times for I'm sure I hadn't done so during the entirety of the movie but I remember no soreness or ache from my eyes.
I felt the audience behind me somehow dissipate and disperse until I was standing there with only my grandfather, who was now the same height as I.
Again, his shrinkage or my growth did not seem weird or out of place at all.
Indeed, nothing seemed to bother me in any negative way and I can't really recall why.

I began to take in more of my surroundings.  I noticed people everywhere and I saw that they all wore the strangest of clothes composed of more colors than I could ever describe.  I remember wondering where they found or purchased such extravagant outfits.
I also noticed that some people were not walking.
Some were standing stock still, their arms at their sides and their heads hung so that their chins rested on their chests.
My grandfather seemed to sense my confusion and for the first time, he spoke though I did not notice his mouth moving and it seemed his soft voice was coming from every direction at the same time.
He said, they are stuck reliving their lives.